I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
