My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
