regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Also, beer. Big fan.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
