im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
