i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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