haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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