we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Randomize
