You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
