she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
