Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize