Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
