Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
