I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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