Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
