I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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