No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
