omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i think i have two assholes
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
