Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
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Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
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I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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