did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
