She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
