Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
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