cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
