actually, I'm a sock model
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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