4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
