every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
