the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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