I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
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