i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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