Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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