Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
