Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
