I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
