please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
