This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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