Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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