just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
