Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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