My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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