I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
