I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
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His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
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Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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