I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
