we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
