Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
