Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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