I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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