i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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