I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
