I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Randomize
