3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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