You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
