I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
