I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
