6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
The struggles of a small town man whore
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
