Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
