i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
