around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
