There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
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we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
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how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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