you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
