Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
