fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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