I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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