I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
