I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
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Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
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He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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