I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
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