He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Randomize
