i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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