in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
