Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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