I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
