if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
