My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
two words: eviction party
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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